Not so perfect day

Not so perfect day

This is the first blog post I am publishing on my site. I wrote this text almost two months ago but I find it appropriate as a first post. It’s about how my year started and what I do to make myself feel better when everything seems to be going wrong.

Today is not my day

Today is not a perfect day for me. I can honestly say it’s a horrible day. My husband and I are on holiday in Germany, in a perfect town for me to sightsee, shop and hang out in Starbucks while He is on training. Yet, this year, our trip is far from perfect. He has three days off which we can spend together sightseeing and exploring the city. Perfect, right? Well, He is sick. He got sick his first day off. Right now, He is in hotel room sleeping. “So what?”, you might say. I can still explore the city by myself and enjoy. Well, before we went on this trip, two (yes, two) of my teeth started to hurt. I called my dentist but she was on vacation. So I called my husband’s dentist. But he was also on vacation so his mother (who is also a dentist) took care of me. She opened both of my teeth, got rid of the caries and put a medicine and temporary tooth filling. “Will it last for 10 days while I am on my trip?” I asked. “Of course, it can last up to 14 days” she said. Second day, on the day of our flight to Germany, temporary filling on my teeth started to shred. Today, on our 4th day of the journey, I have two holes, without the filling that lasts for 14 days. And those holes are all I can think about. How they will fill with food and that, eventually, by the end of my journey, I will get a gangrene and loose both teeth.

Yes, sometimes I exaggerate. And I am anxious. Very anxious. So anxious I started daily meditations to help me deal with my anxiety.

This was supposed to be the perfect vacation. Spending quality time with my husband,  having enough time for myself and the inspiration to write blog posts. On the 4th day of our vacation, I am writing my 2nd blog post. Blog post about feeling f*cked up and feeling like the hole year started messed up. I am scared that it will be like this until the end of this year.

I need 2018 to be better than 2017

On the last day of 2017, I made an album on my phone with photos that represent highlight moments from 2017. And I saw that it was a hell of a year. In great sense. Hanging out with our friends, my sister graduated from university, spending time with my newly born nephew, going outdoors with my husband, having great conversations with Him, going out with Him (lunches, walks, etc.), trip to Portugal this summer, going to cinema, trainings in Italy and Austria, spending time with a very good friend in Austria who I haven’t seen for a long time, … It was rather a perfect year.

And I told myself: 2018 will be even better! We went on New Year’s Eve with eight of our friends and we danced and sang all night. It was perfect! What a great start of 2018! Just as I expected! And then we went to sleep. On January 1st, I had the worst hangover ever! And I wasn’t even drunk! The toothache that started last night, got even worse. The next day I called my dentist and found out she was on vacation. And you know the rest of that story from the beginning of this post.

To be perfect, it has to start perfectly. Right?

I have this weird belief that the beginning of the year will determine the rest of my year. I know it is very superficial and yet it feels real to me. I would really, really like that this year is a good year for both my husband and myself. I wish that we manage to make a kid this year, I wish I get a raise, I wish that I get courageous enough to actually publish the posts I am writing and a lot more wishes I can’t recall at this moment. 

I am a perfectionist and I believe that to be perfect, it has to start perfectly and have a perfect flow. It started perfect with New Year’s Eve and it went bumpy from there on.

The best thing at this moment is that, having written all this, I feel better. At least I got inspiration for writing this post 🙂 

Red bench

How to deal with bad days

Here are some tips that work for me on the topic of how to make yourself feel better even if it’s not working for you:

  • Meditation. I am using Headspace app and I love it. It is simple to use, the guide’s voice is pleasant and comforting, it has great animations explaining what is probably happening in your mind and it has nothing esoteric in it. Love it!
  • Express yourself. Find the media where you can easily express your feelings and emotions. For me, it’s writing. When I feel shitty, I write. And after I express myself through story, I feel much better.
  • Find someone you can spend time with. Whether it is one person or whole bunch, spend time with other human beings. If you like talking, talk. If you just like to spend time with other in silence, do it like that. Just be around another human being you feel close to. I love spending time with my husband, talking or watching Netflix. As long as we are physically next to each other. I also love spending time with couple of my friends (one on one, not in a bunch :)) and talking to them how shitty I feel. After the talks I feel so much better.
  • Psychotherapy. If this is something you are into. I personally love it. I have someone outside of my everyday life I can talk to. Someone who will confront me when I’m off and who will support me to get to know myself and express myself in constructive ways.
  • Physical activity. Whether it is a walk, fitness, swimming, … As long as you do it regularly, couple of days a week. I love practicing yoga in the morning, after I wake up. I watch Yoga with Adrienne on youTube and I practice it for 5 to 30 minutes couple of days in the week. I try to do it everyday but sometimes I just don’t feel like it.
  • Healthy food. This is something I really struggle with. I try to eat more vegetables and fruit but sometimes I am too lazy or too tired to go to a local shop with healthy groceries. Yet, I started to eat significantly less amounts of refined sugar and I must say, I feel a lot better. I lost couple of excess kilos and I stoped craving for sugar so much. I used to live on refined sugar. I ate it for breakfast, after lunch and for dinner. Now, I only eat it in one meal a day (honestly, I don’t want to give up on it completely). And I feel great about it! Even Coca-Cola stopped tasting as good for me.

Those are the things I started to apply last year and it made me feel A LOT better physically and mentally. I am sure there are a lot more things you can do to start feel better and each person has something that works best for them. These are couple of things that really helped me and maybe they can inspire you to find something for yourself.

Written with love,

Chiara

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